Processing Confidence
Last week on the podcast Learning to Live Again we started looking at “Flipping the Script” in our minds. How can we move from insecurity to more confidence?
You can find last week’s episode to listen to how “Flipping the Script” has shown up in my personal life.
Today, I want to give you 3 practical ways to flip the script in your mind:
- Identify your Core Values
- Flip the Script from negative to positive
- Step out with Confidence
We can use this process in various ways. The focus for this week is moving from Insecurity to Confidence.
At the end of the blog you can download your own Guide to Processing Confidence!
In the following weeks, we will practice using this process to move from…
- Fear to Courage
- Overthinking to Action
- Failure to Growth
In last week’s podcast episode, you were left with the question, “What are your core values?”
One pivotal practice for me in moving from insecurity to confidence in identifying my core values. It is a process. You might not notice them at first. You might struggle to name these values.
Maybe you took some time to identify your values. Maybe, this is the first time you’re hearing that question. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, has a List Here of core values to use as a starting point if it helps.
It has taken me the past two years to name my top three values. Honestly, these can shift and change as I move through different stages of life. Currently, my top three values are…
- Spontaneity
- Intuition
- Authenticity
As you tune in to the podcast episode from last week you’ll hear examples of how I moved from insecurity to confidence in my teaching career, business mentality, and friendships. I specifically focused on the core value of spontaneity.
Today, let’s look at a different core value to walk through our three steps. Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee or tea – iced or hot – and imagine we’re walking through this like a think-aloud. You’re getting insight into the steps my brain takes to help me gain confidence.
Again, this is what has worked for me. Perhaps, you’ve got all the confidence in the world. This process might come in handy for someone near and dear to you. Here we go…
1st: Identify your Core Value(s): Today we’ll look at Intentionality.
I desire to make moves with purpose. It shows up in the words I speak or write, my body language, the emails I send, & the commitments I make. I naturally take time to think first and get curious. I ask myself or others a lot of questions. I want to process all the possible options and outcomes.
2nd: Flip the Script
The description above sounds all positive. You might be asking, “Where is the negative here? How does insecurity remotely come into play for you, Brooke?”
This is one of the most important steps…
Slow down and identify the ways you have told yourself this core value is a negative trait.
We can do this fast and frequently in our minds without realizing it. So much so, it lives and breathes as insecurity in our souls.
For example, I have often caught myself thinking…
- Why does it take you so much longer to do things than others? You’re behind.
- Why can you not just make up your mind?
- Everyone else is doing more than you. “More” equals more impact.
- You know you’re going to make a wrong decision. I don’t know why you’re trying.
- Give up. Just let someone else do it. You’re not good at this.
None of this is healthy. It’s full of comparison, belittling myself, and doubt.
If I skip over this awful step – I mean no one really wants to face the negative messages they say to themselves…or maybe even hear from others – I can’t actually Flip the Script! I have to train my brain to spot the negative message in order to flip it to a positive, more true message.
When I Flip the Script my thoughts become more like this, “Brooke,…
- You can take your time. You have permission to move slower and more thoughtfully.
- You can’t make up your mind, yet. That’s ok, you have the ability and capacity to view both sides. Give yourself space to do that.
- You may not do more than others or move as quickly but what you are doing or working on is meaningful and important. It will be done well.
- You are collecting information and facts. You will make your best decision based on this intentional gathering process. Even if the decision feels wrong you can always shift gears.
- You have a skill set unique to you. Your curiosity and intentionality is important and needed. Don’t give up!
Our self-talk begins to shift drastically. I already feel more confident just typing those words!
It takes time. It takes practice. It takes awareness.
3rd: Steps of Confidence
When I have finally Flipped the Script in my mind, I can then start to step out in action. I can step out with more confidence.
Confidence doesn’t mean all my insecurities are whisked away. The doubts will linger, hovering around each corner.
Confidence means there’s a firm belief rooted in my soul. Confidence means I believe I have something good to offer the world. Confidence means I can appreciate who I am without belittling others.
Confidence grows stronger than the lingering insecurity.
Stepping out in Confidence may start small and lead to bigger actions.
It may look something like this…
- Giving yourself a pep-talk before a job interview. You’re standing in front of the mirror and listing off the benefits you bring to this opportunity.
- Leaving a girl’s-night-out or a team meeting and listing off positives each person brought to the table. Include yourself in that list.
- Learning to speak up in conversations as you ask questions to two sides of a topic.
- Choosing to lead ______ (a book discussion, a work team, or a running group).
- Saying “No” to an invitation gives you more time to do what you need.
These steps of confidence don’t always look glamorous or shatter the world around you with awe and amazement. These small shifts do start to flip your world upside down.
You look back and you’re not the same person you were 1 or 2 years ago.
You are stronger.
You smile more.
You walk with confidence.
I dare you, take the time to practice moving from insecure to confident. Consistent small steps add up over time. See what happens!
Download your personal guide HERE to help you process your confidence in three steps.
