Counselor Recommendations 101
It helps if I talk about counseling like I’m going to the grocery store or the gym. When making plans with friends it is common for me to say, “I can’t come over that night. I have counseling.” We move on with life, making plans for another night.
Counseling is a place I go regularly to help keep myself healthy. I try to speak about it as casually as possible because it is good. It is beautiful. It is healthy for me.
I recognize the look on other people’s faces when I breeze over this statement in conversation. The look tells me it is not as casual or ordinary for them. They don’t know whether to stop and ask, be concerned, or awkwardly avoid any more talk about that dreaded word…shhhhh…counseling. That’s ok.
I cannot tell you the number of times these same people circle back around months or years later to ask questions. Suddenly, they or someone they know is seeking out help.
So let’s talk! Let’s talk about these Frequently Asked Questions sliding into my DMs or side conversations. Chances are, you might be asking the same question too.
The first question people usually ask is “How do I find a counselor?”
To be honest, the mental health world is a mysterious thing. From the outside looking in, it’s intimidating. People do not talk about this process openly and for good reasons. Much of the counseling process holds private sacred space.
Option one, get recommendations from a medical health professional.
Oftentimes doctors have a list of counselors or therapists they might recommend. Beware, it is important to do your research ahead of scheduling any appointments. Your doctor may not know which counselor will work best for you.
For me, starting at a doctor’s office happened naturally. Five years ago when I had my first full-blown anxiety attack it sent me straight to the doctor’s office. Sitting at my teacher’s desk the last hour of the day, the last day before Thanksgiving Break, a switch flipped inside of my brain. I lost control.
Fortunately, my high school students were funneling out of the door as the last bell rang. They did not notice the small physical changes happening to me. I started shaking, tremors reaching from head to toe. I sat at my desk staring into space. My heart raced. My mind raced. When a co-worker randomly came in, she knew what was happening.
She stepped back from my desk and asked, “Are you ok? What can I do to help you?”
Then the tears started coming. They did not stop for two or three days. They. Did. Not. Stop! Terror coursed through my veins.
That landed me in the doctor’s office where he explained how an antidepressant can help the body and brain stabilize. However, he wanted me to start seeing a counselor or therapist along with taking the medication.
Our body, mind, and soul closely connect. It is important to talk with your general practitioner about underlying mental health problems that connect to physical warning signs. You need more than one expert on your team to treat your whole person: mind, body, and soul.
If you end up at the doctor’s due to physical problems, be brave enough to ask for counselor recommendations. Start somewhere.
Option two, get recommendations from friends or people who work in the profession.
When asking for recommendations from friends, remember they know how their counselor works with them, not how they will work with you. Each person is unique. We respond differently to different styles of counseling. However, this is a great starting place.
When asking for recommendations from others in the counseling profession, remember they know how they work and treat patients. Oftentimes, they do not know the inner workings of another counselor or therapist. However, they can guide you to a starting place.
When I visited the doctor, my emotions felt fierce and fragile inside my heart. My body carried the physical weight of emotional stress. My brain felt foggy and overwhelmed. I could not remember to ask for recommendations. Maybe the doctor gave me a list and I lost it. Who knows.
I was a walking cocktail of medications and emotions, shaken not stirred. Not a cocktail you want when making important decisions. Finding a counselor felt like finding a needle in a haystack. What if that needle ends up hurting me more than helping me?
I had friends that worked in counseling. I could have asked one of them. However, the diagnosis of depression and anxiety still sat like a pill stuck in my throat. Uncertain how to ask, I tried to carry on with life as normal.
At this point, I could not remember what normal life felt like. I moved through my Thanksgiving Break like a zombie floating through space. I slept A LOT! I sat in rooms full of family members and pretended to listen A LOT!
Then, one day I went to the gym. On a track where I normally ran circles for miles, I walked instead. I wandered over to the weights, stared, then sat on a mat to limply stretch. Finally, I left.
By the grace of God, I ran into an old family friend. A woman I had not seen in over a decade rushed through the entrance and saw me in my stupor. She stopped to talk for just a minute. 60 seconds I will never forget.
She asked about my family. “Tell your parents I said hi! I just love them.”
“Yes, I will,” I smiled blandly.
“Brooke, I just want you to know I’m praying for your family.” At this point, I assumed she meant she was praying over my mom’s worsening Progressive Multiple Sclerosis that held her seated like a queen in that electric wheelchair.
“Thank you,” I nodded my head out of habit.
“If there’s ever any way I can help please let me know.” It felt like she stood square in front of me and peered into my soul. It felt like she knew something I did not. It felt vulnerable to stand so exposed.
I walked away and remembered she worked at a local counseling office. Late that night, I found her on Facebook and sent a direct message briefly explaining my new diagnosis. Trembling as I typed I asked for a counselor recommendation with a faith-based background.
That 60-second conversation gave me the bravery to ask for help.
The woman from the gym replied the next morning with the name of a counselor. A ray of light piercing my world of darkness.
She never once made me feel like I was crazy. She never once judged me. She encouraged me, “ You’re doing the brave thing.” She also offered a website to search for other counselors in my area if I wanted to do more research.
With my brain hopped on that cocktail of antidepressants and emotions I went with the one recommendation she sent. I now had at least one name to research. It felt like a huge victory!
Option three, research local counselors online.
Maybe you want to get recommendations more privately. Online research can be a powerful tool. Honestly, however you select a counselor, you will most likely do some online research ahead of time.
If you’re like me, you want to know a little something about the person before you bare your hidden secrets to them. Hello, Google Search!
It helps to have a few priorities in line before you get lost in the online sea of names. Consider…
Specific Issues or Areas of Interest: What do you know you want to talk about? Marriage, parenting, eating disorders, OCD, anxiety, depression, etc.
Geographic location: Some people prefer meeting with a counselor close to home or work for convenience. Others like to meet with someone on the other side of town for a little more anonymity.
Insurance Coverage: Does your insurance have a list of counselors within their network? Some counselors will list online insurance providers they work with. If they do not list this information you can easily email or call to ask.
Free Counseling: Many workplaces, college campuses, and other organizations in the community will offer free counseling sessions. Ask a trusted advisor for more information at work, or on college campuses. Contact local organizations that might connect to a situation you find yourself in. For example, the National MS Society offers local group sessions twice a month for individuals or families who are affected by Multiple Sclerosis.
Religious Affiliation: Do you have a preference for the counselor’s religious or faith background? Some counselors work within faith-based organizations. Other counselors work independently. You have the freedom to ask ahead of time about the counselor’s faith or beliefs. On the flipside, counselors will respect your beliefs if you do or do not speak about faith in your sessions. The counselor will take the lead from the client.
Acronyms: There are letters, abbreviations, and acronyms that pop up when reading about a counselor’s certifications or training. Do not be afraid to google these acronyms to get familiar with their meaning. These letters can help you know what type of license the counselor has. You might see other acronyms like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) signifying a specific training the counselor can use in therapy sessions. If you do not know about this training, that’s ok! Your counselor can help you use it if needed.
Researching biographies of counselors online is a window revealing each counselor’s style and personality. Once you have an inkling a counselor might work well with you, there is one important step left.
The bravest step you can take…
Pick up the phone and call!
Schedule the appointment!
Commit to it!
Once you have scheduled the appointment, even if it is months in the future, you can breathe a little easier. You have a goal. You have a milestone to look forward to. You have taken one step propelling you to the future instead of staying stuck. Congratulations!
Do you need to pick up the phone and call to schedule an appointment? Tell one other trusted person to help you commit.
Do you know someone who might need encouragement to call and schedule an appointment? Ask genuinely, with lots of love, if they need any recommendations.
Move forward. Move bravely. Move with love.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you or someone you know is in a severe depression and contemplating suicide, please do not wait weeks or months to talk to a counselor. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255!
Keep the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline contact information saved in your phone. It is a great tool to help in times of crisis. It can save someone’s life. To hear a human voice of kindness on the other end of the line reminds someone they are not alone.
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