For the One Questioning their Faith
This one is for the curious. The one questioning faith, church, or religion.
This is not an in-depth Bible study or lesson with Greek and Hebrew etymology. This is not about convincing you to believe a certain atonement theory or theology.
This is a story. A moment from the past. I offer this memory with hopes of adding another bright colorful piece to your kaleidoscope of faith.
From a girl who grew up in the church. To a young adult full of quiet questions. To a woman riddled by anxiety attacks in the church parking lot. To a woman on a pilgrimage of churches all over my city and then overseas and back again.
Here is part of my story…
How one of the largest, most ornate, most touristy cathedrals surprisingly changed my faith for the better. Come with me to Barcelona, Spain.
We get off the metro and come up the stairs out of the station. We turn around and shield our eyes from the sunlight to see a monstrosity of a cathedral still under construction. It has been described as seemingly created out of bones or like a sand castle rising in the middle of the city.
La Sagrada Familia
This cathedral has been under construction for 140+ years. Nine different main architects have led the way. Over 20 architects currently work on it. The most famous architect Antoni Gaudi dreamed this place up, crafted intricate plans, and forged the way for 40+ years until he died after a tragic and ordinary death. He was hit by a tram in the street and mistaken as a homeless beggar at the hospital.
It is so large and intricately designed, the other architects have tried to hold true to Gaudi’s eclectic and unique style. These architects have also taken the liberty to combine different styles and techniques of their own. Making it a cathedral unlike any other.
The tour guide, full of knowledge and stories. Some myths, legends, and speculations. Me, full of questions about why I go to church, criticisms of religious displays, and speculations of why someone would build such a thing.
There are five architectural elements that stuck out to me as I marveled at this cathedral. I found each piece added to my own kaleidoscope of faith that made my belief in God brighter.
- Accessibility – there are intricate carvings on the external walls that display scenes from the Bible. These carvings are strategically designed like a picture book to tell of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection. Anyone can come to this building and experience the stories. No common language, or reading skills required. If you have lost your sight then get up close and feel the shapes and listen to someone tell the stories. Much like a children’s picture book it primes even adults to have a childlike experience. You see the details of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and other New Testament characters. You naturally ask yourself, and others, questions. “I wonder why he carved Mary with that look on her face?” “I wonder why…”, OR “I imagine they are saying…”, OR “It seems like they might be feeling…”. This type of visual literacy requires an intelligence we sometimes miss when reading words on a page. Words become literal or metaphorical. We can miss the tone of humor or kindness or sternness. Pictures allow us more openness. We are quicker to say, “I can see that, and maybe…”
- Light – The inner part of the sanctuary is washed with water colors of dancing light at all times of the day. The windows on each side of the cathedral each have a color scheme to parallel the tone in that part of Jesus’ story. Blues and greens for Jesus’ birth that came quietly in a small town, reds and oranges for his death & resurrection. As the sun moves throughout the day the colors constantly change. Yet the colors take the spotlight even in the shadows as the sun begins to rise or set. What a picture of our faith as we move throughout our lived experiences. Faith can start slowly or quietly. It can intensify with vibrancy. It can be the saddest of blues or the happiest of yellows. It can creep into the darkest of experiences and show up undeniably in the happiest of celebrations. Faith is ever present and steady as the sun and moon.
- Height – When you first step inside your eyes cannot help but lift up. They do not focus directly on an altar or crucifix. Both of those elements are present but not the focus. It’s the rising uniquely shaped columns and oddly designed ceiling that draw your eyes up, up, and up again. You watch the colors of light dance off these odd shapes and designs on the ceiling. You feel small in a good way and are curious about something at work bigger than yourself.
- Nature – The beauty of nature is seen from the flowers, leaves, and vines carved into the external sand castle, all the way to the columns that branch out like trees at the top of the ceiling. You feel as if you are walking in a forest. The tree canopy of palm leaves above you. These unique treelike columns are designed to hold more weight while also reminding you Faith is an exploration. There are 52 columns inside, one for each Sunday of the year. Each corresponds with the liturgical calendar. The tour guide says this suggests Gaudi saw church as a moment each week to attend and reflect, observe, consider, listen, and learn something new about God in our own personal journeys. It is a journey like taking a hike along a trail. There is a slowness to it. A pace of learning and discovering little things as you go. No need to know all of your detailed beliefs at once. No need to have it all right at once. This forest feel is an invitation to come and discover. *Did you just exhale a deep breath? Have you been holding your breath without realizing it? Does this invitation offer you some relief? Me too.
- Traditional to Modernism – Due to the architecture taking over a century, plus the plethora of creative architects at work on this one space, it reflects a hybrid of architectural techniques and styles. Some of this is due to technology developing over 140+ years. Some of it is due to architects from various cultures bringing what they consider beautiful to their work. Some of it is practical logistics of what can hold weight the best. Some of it is playful creative design. You can see more traditional gothic elements to more modern and abstract elements all in one place. Yet, they all point to the story of Jesus’ life, sacrifice, and love. It reminds me how people have been reading the ancient text of the Bible for centuries and yet each time period, culture, and denomination interprets it differently. As we toured, the people in my group would voice their opinions of the different styles. “How beautiful…”, or “How odd…”, or “How ugly…I much prefer…”. Yet, here we all stand as one group of people from all over the world marveling at the same thing whether we think it is beautiful or not. We cannot help but see the creativity on display and stand in awe.
We laughed about some oddities and differing opinions. We shared our thoughts of personal revelations and wonderings. We said our goodbyes and “Nice to meet you.” We left connected and encouraged.
What if the church felt like that? What if faith felt like an invitation to discover more of who God is without having it all figured out? What if we listened to each other’s oddities and interpretations? What if we went out into the world with that awe and encouragement?
What if?
Two years later I still think about La Sagrada Familia. I met God there amongst the selfie sticks and tour guides. He gave me permission in that sacred space to spiritually breathe again.
To this day, when my anxious thoughts or critical curiosities start to over power my mind, especially on a Sunday in a church service, I close my eyes and imagine standing at the base of one of the oddest columns. My eyes go up to the tops of its tree like branches and I smile. I ask God, “What would you like me to discover today?”
I am thankful for an architect named Antoni Gaudi who started the creation of this physical space that mirrors my spirit and mind. A little hodgepodge of styles and full of belief.
La Sagrada Familia reminds me God is ever present as the light dancing in that space. He never fails.
I hope this memory offers you a breath of fresh air and a brighter view as you journey in your faith.
Photos by Brooke Johnson
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