Does Counseling Work?

People often ask about the logistics of counseling. Some people go to their first counseling session or two. They always come back and ask me, “Does counseling work?”

 

I can feel the ache in their soul and the fear in their racing mind. They want to know there’s relief around the corner. They want to know there’s a solution to the tangled mess they’re living. They want to know hopelessness will not win in the end. 

 

I look in their eyes with tenderness, and I say, “Yes, counseling works. But are you willing to work?” 

 

Counseling is a sacred space but it is not magical. The counselor does not wave a magic wand or sprinkle fairy dust to make things new. 

 

Five years ago, I sat on the couch in my counselor’s office. The blinds let in streaks of afternoon light on the floor. Silent tears streamed down my face. I wanted to be done. I wanted to get up, walk away, and never come back.

 

She had been doing a form of therapy with me called EMDR. I sat there with both feet on the floor in front of me. My palms gently held a sensor in each hand. The sensors alternated faint pulses vibrating through my hands. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. 

 

There’s a scientific explanation of how the alternating pulses tap into deeper parts of your brain. The alternating sensation helps speed up the process of unlocking and connecting different memories and emotions. 

 

Originally, I looked at my counselor skeptical when she brought up EMDR. She let me do my research on how it works in the brain. The alternating pulses are similar to the alternating forward motion your body performs when running. As a runner, this made sense to me and put me more at ease. 

 

On this day, the third week of EMDR therapy, my eyes closed, sensors pulsing, light from the blinds hit my feet. The sensors paused and I answered a series of questions asked by my counselor. I do this process repeatedly during my session. My time ticking to a close. With one final question, the pain hit me. Physically, I could feel a surge of emotional anger deep and warm in my gut. It moved up to my chest. It came out as silent tears. 

 

“I can’t do this,” I whisper in fear. 

 

Her calm voice asked me one more question. I choked out an answer. 

Her calm voice asked me a second question. I spoke with more confidence. 

Her calm voice signaled a closing to our EMDR session. I let out a deep sigh of relief. 

 

My counselor sensed my exhaustion before I honestly did. “Brooke,…”

 

“Yes,” I let my eyes lift from the streaks of sunshine on the floor to meet her kind eyes.

 

“Brooke, you just did a lot of heavy lifting. What you just did is the equivalent of running a marathon.”

 

I nod my head and wipe more tears away with the only energy left in me.

 

“Brooke, I’m so proud of you. You were afraid but you completed the process. Now, I need you to go home and drink lots of water, eat a healthy meal, and sleep.” 

 

Recovering from a heavy counseling session is like repairing your body from running a marathon or lifting heavy at the gym. Your emotions and memory take a physical toll on your body too. 

 

I walked away from that session thinking Is counseling worth it? Should I even go back? Will it always be this hard?

 

I found my way back to counseling despite the strain of the last session. In each session, I found out counseling is not always as hard as running a marathon. After months of learning the ebb and flow of counseling, I found out counseling is worth it. 

 

Five years later, I am not the same person. I am more whole. I am more self-aware. I am stronger.

 

I still go to counseling consistently. I find it worthwhile for me in this season of life. It allows me a neutral space to unload all of the emotions I shut down during the week. These suppressed emotions stifle my joy. When I give myself the gift of counseling, I am giving myself and others a more joyful healthy version of me. 

 

I am living proof, counseling works if you are willing to work!

 

Someone else can call and make the appointment. Someone else can demand you attend counseling. You can sit in the room with a counselor and answer the questions. Yet, you can still leave unchanged, possibly more resentful than when you entered. 

 

Please, be patient with the process unfolding each session. 

Please, be patient with yourself.

Please, be honest with yourself. 

Please, be present.

 

Counseling might be some of the hardest work you will do. Counseling might be some of the best work you do. Counseling is worth it. 

 

I promise, there’s light up ahead. Keep showing up!